Insensitivity

I wish I know what to say to you but, unfortunately, I don't. Many times you make me wonder why I care because it seems like you don't. I try, really try, but you are too blind to see. I'm never appreciated for the efforts I make. Yet every time you're back, I'm happy. And now this . . . no thank you, no acknowledgement, NOTHING! Many times I just want to throw in the towel and scream "I'M DONE."

I know though, that I still wish you'll never leave. You're awesome and we've been through a lot.

I know we'll never ever be truly done because you'll ALWAYS occupy a special place in my heart *sighs*

To Miles C. Blount

So I thought I was not going to cry about leaving RHS. Its not even June 1st and I've been sitting at my computer crying for minutes now. Thanks to Miles.

This is to Miles

The comment about me really touched my heart; you can't even imagine and even though we are not really friends, I know I'm going to miss you. You are one of the few people I truly admired at RHS. You are one of the fewer mature people I ever met. I REALLY WISH we were friends during my brief stay at RHS. Though we were not friends, I still learnt a few things from you. I started blogging because you inspired me to do so. I don't know much about you but from what I know, I can say that your personality outshines most of the people I know. You are so smart too. Never stop being you. I wish you happiness, joy and fulfillment in life.

P.S. You made my day. Expect a big hug when I see you this evening. Thanks Miles =]

From a Bleeding Heart

I'm proud

I'm harsh

I'm mean

I'm selfish

I'm irresponsible

I'm stupid

These are some of the things you've said to me all my life. You never see how hard I try. And I do try, I really do. I think I'm done trying now. I think you have almost finally convinced me that I'm the worst person ever. I guess if I never get married, have a relationship, lose my friends and siblings all because of my horrible self, then I'll learn to live with it. I'll probably just be a missionary or something so as to make the best of my lonely life. Or maybe I'll join the convent, take an oath of poverty, and spend the rest of my lonely life reflecting on how horrible I am as a person.

You almost never have a kind word for me. I never do anything right. You've caused me so much pain that its a surprise that I'm still whole. I've never been weak. Its time to wrap my strength around me like a blanket and hold on tightly to my little patience. Being strong is all I have now, but know that once I leave, I'll never come back.

I'm DONE trying because I've come to realize that no matter how hard I try, you'll forever remain unsatisfied.

And when tomorrow, you look around and don't find me, I hope you remember that you pushed me away.

Stay Beautiful

It seems to me that I'm always saying goodbye to people.

I HATE GOODBYES simply because I never truly say goodbye. Sometimes I feel like I hold on to people too much but I just can't let go of the people who once meant something to me. Once a friend, always a friend.

Don't get it twisted though, I'm definitely not close to all the people I've truly cared about but when I remember how we used to be, it brings tears to my eyes and makes me smile, as my heart wishes for those kind of moments with those people.

Right now, I still care about my friends back home, I can't talk to them as often but I still deeply, very deeply, care. Its too hard for me to really not stay attached to people. I hope this is a good trait but most times it brings pain with it.

Taylor Swift's Stay Beautiful really describes how I feel about every single friend I've ever truly loved and cared about (and I definitely still do). " ... And when you find every thing you've looked for, I hope your life leads you back to my front door" it breaks my heart to say this, but I have to face the fact that some people are not meant to be in your life forever and I can't hold on to everybody so "But if it don't, just stay beautiful."

(My ex-school father inspired this piece tonight. Thank God for Facebook. I've definitely missed him in many ways. He made me smile tonight =])

If only you knew, you wouldn't blame me for never wanting to come home. But I've not found a place to call home. I wanted to belong here but something always felt so wrong here. I'll spread my wings, learn how to fly and breakaway on my homeward journey.

You Belong With Me

This song by my newfound love - Taylor Swift really touched a part of me and I've not stopped listening.

Can I truly know what's right for me and you? Can I truly say I know your story? Can I honestly say I'm what you're looking for? There's so much I'm not, but there's more I am.

I'm not even sure if this is for you (*******) or for someone else I don't know yet or have not met or someone I know but we've not come out to admit. All I know is my heart craves that special someone that'll be there and be a best friend and someone on whom I can rely.

Dreaming (and dreams come true; without that possibility, nature would not incite us to have them) about the day that you'd find that what you're looking for has been here the whole time. If you can just see that I'm the one who understands you and I've been here all along, then I hope you'll know that you belong with me <3 . . .