In a Crazy World

This is crazy. I feel like I'm losing myself.

I'm so constantly unhappy and sad. What happened to the girl people used to ask "Why are you always smiling?" I seem to constantly be in a black hole of unhappiness and emotional pain. This is utterly crazy.

This is not supposed to be a "Nobody understands me and my problems" talk or a "you don't know how hard my life is" whine. None of that crap. We've heard it all before. We (teenagers/youths) like to think we have the most problems in the world. I'm confused. I wish you could understand. This is soooooooo crazy.

I wish I could go back in time to the brief 3 months I was in Ajayi Crowther University where I felt almost constant happiness and joy. Always smiling, bubbly personality, everything that was/is (I don't even know anymore) me. AWESOME friends that truly cared and showed love. The best three months of my life when I constantly felt loved and happy and me. Now I'm in this deep black hole that is driving me crazy.

Can you hear me screaming???? THIS IS NOT ME!!!!!!! Ohmigosh! I don't even understand this craziness anymore.

I'm going to bed soon. My head is aching from this madness and utter craziness.

The Lights Are Still On

"We all lose friends... we lose them in death, to distance and over time. But even though they may be lost, hope is not. The key is to keep them in your heart, and when the time is right, you can pick up the friendship right where you left off. Even the lost find their way home when you leave the light on." ~ Amy Marie Walz.

I just saw the above quote on Facebook. It was somebody's status and it made a whole lot of sense to me. I've felt this way for a long time now. I've lost so many friends to distance and over time. The few I have right now are not even as close; somethings are just different. I don't even have new friends like that and the few new ones I have can't take the place of the old. Even though I'm lonely and all-alone right now, my friends are ALWAYS in my heart. I hope the day comes soon when we can pick up our friendships right where we left off. For now, the light of your memories is, and will remain, on in my heart; I hope you find your way back to my door, heart and life. Until then, STAY BEAUTIFUL.

Insensitivity

I wish I know what to say to you but, unfortunately, I don't. Many times you make me wonder why I care because it seems like you don't. I try, really try, but you are too blind to see. I'm never appreciated for the efforts I make. Yet every time you're back, I'm happy. And now this . . . no thank you, no acknowledgement, NOTHING! Many times I just want to throw in the towel and scream "I'M DONE."

I know though, that I still wish you'll never leave. You're awesome and we've been through a lot.

I know we'll never ever be truly done because you'll ALWAYS occupy a special place in my heart *sighs*