Dear "You"

You will most likely never see this but it will make me feel better.

Today was a mistake. It really was but maybe I needed it to make me see the hopelessness of the situation.
I know this was/is my fault but I know its not all my fault either. I accept responsibility for this but what does it matter now, "life as we knew it" is over. Just know that I'd have done better if given a
chance to. But that's okay. I have learned my lessons for next time.

I know this is not a good time for you and you're going through so much. At least I was able to glean that much. I wish there was a way for me to tell you that you have to gradually let go of th anger and pain in order to heal. It's okay to be angry for a while but don't dwell on it too long.

I really hope you are and will be happy. You really deserve it. You are a good person. And I don't think I ever told you this but I love you. I hope things, everything, work out well for you: better than you hope.

If you ever need to talk I will be here to listen. I doubt you'll ever take me up on that offer but that's okay too.

You'll be fine, wont you? I know you will, your strength will carry you through. Don't compromise your values ever. And do be very happy and excel. I'll be cheering for you in private. I guess this is goodbye. It should have been a long way coming actually but today made me see that clearly. I'll see you around. And no matter how much it hurts or what pain I'm experiencing, I'll smile and say hi, maybe even give you a hug, you'll smile back and ask how I'm doing and I'll say I'm good.

I'll miss you. I miss you.

Africa Calling

The blood of royalty courses through my veins My patterned face in fierce concentration As I wield my sword - Prancing and feinting - A warrior in action My barefoot glides across the sand Dancing beads around my waist Clanging bangles on both wrists - A sweet music - My hair speaks of my ancestry - An ancestry I wear like a crown - I am a woman I am African I am an African woman . . .

Day 30 - A Letter To Myself; Telling Myself Everything I Love About Myself

Dear Chioma,

How've you been? I hope you're coping well with the stress of school.

This letter is to tell you all the things I love about you.

I love your loyalty and the extent of your love! You are loyal to your friends and you love them fiercely. I love the fact that you are of the opinion that "once a friend, always a friend" and you always keep people in your heart.

I love your generousity and thoughtfulness. You help people with the little you have and you do little things to make others happy. You hardly forget dates/birthdays, which proves how thoughtful you are.

I love your beautiful soul and how you choose to see the best in people and believe in people. You are not naive but you are trusting.

I love how you stay true to yourself; how you never compromise your values to follow the crowd. I love your dedication and hard work. I love how you never change to fit in with the crowd, but instead choose to stand out.

People say you give good advise and I love that about you too.

You are friendly, caring, loving, sweet, loyal, and faithful. I love all these things about you.

I especially love the fact that you are a very strong and courageous young lady. You wrap your strength around you and get through tough times. You are brave, and I love that. You were never really able to be a kid, you accepted everything life threw your way with courage and rose up to the situation.

There are so many things I love about you. Too many things to mention. Even when I'm mad at you, I want you to know that I love you and will never stop loving you. Remember, that you're beautiful - inside and out, you deserve all the good things of life, and everything in your life will fall into place in time. You will be great Chioma, never doubt that. Don't be a stranger! I love you.

Day 29 - Something I Hope To Change About Myself, and Why.

For the most part, I'm happy with whom I am. I have my flaws, many of them, and shortcomings, maybe some people complain about them but as one of my friends pointed out to me, in spite of these flaws, I still have friends and whoever is not satisfied with who I am, can take a walk.

If anything, I'd like to change the fact that I'm impatient, have zero tolerance for shallowness and stupidity, and don't think highly of myself at times or shortchange myself.

If these changes never happen, I'm still me and I'm happy to be me.

Day 27 - What's the Best Thing Going for Me Right Now?

I'd like to say school, but I'm afraid that will not be true.

I'd like to say the presence of good friends, but my friends are so far away and I feel disconnected from them most times.

I'd like to say my family, but most of the time they don't understand me.

So what else is left to say?

Don't get it twisted. I'm grateful for all of the aforementioned . . . but the best thing?

Maybe I'm the best thing going for me right now, but most times I don't even know who "me" is anymore.

This is a question to which I do not have an answer.

I guess I'd just say the fact that I'm alive, hale and hearty.

Day 26 - Have I Ever Thought About Giving up on Life? If So When And Why?

I've definitely thought about this many times. I think if we're true to ourselves, we'd all admit that at one point or the other, maybe at many points, we have all nursed these thoughts.

The "whys" are a number of things too so I can't really say. Invisibility is a big part of it though.

I have big things to do with my life & until it's really over, I'm not giving up on life.

Day 25 - The Reason I Believe I'm Still Alive Today

I believe God is behind my being alive today. I believe God has kept me alive, and is keeping me alive, because He has a special purpose for my life; a purpose I'm to fulfill. I believe I'm still alive because there's something I have to say to the world, to contribute to it and until that is done, I'm not stopping.