Losing Yourself

Have you ever looked in the mirror
And seen a stranger looking back at you?
You feel like a part of you is slipping away;
Drowning and sinking,
Deeper and deeper below the surface.
Like an observer,
You watch this unknown person
Living and breathing in your body
And only vaguely,

You remember the person you used to be.

So what do you do?

Retreat farther into that shell of nothingness?

Or fight to rise above the water?

Maybe you'd struggle to find the missing puzzle piece

And just maybe you'd succeed --

Reconciling the old and new

Into a better you . . .

A happier you

(This is a mess but don't judge me; I've been out of it for a very long time. I don't think I've written anything since March. Hopefully, it gets better).

MIA

And this is my apology to myself.

Sorry for being away from writing for so long and for letting your (sometimes) profoundly deep thoughts and ideas go unrecorded.

I'm back & I'll be better now; I PROMISE!

Updates

And again I've not been on here in a while. This is just an update on what's been happening in my life and what's not been happening.

Nothing has been happening and yet many things have been happening at the same time. These past two weeks have been crazy, I've been so stressed and busy with school; too little sleep. On one hand, that has been getting to me by making me constantly tired; cranky sometimes. On the other hand, I've been smiling a lot more these days. Not much has changed to make me start smiling again, I guess it has something to do with me too. I'm happy not to be in that deep hole of sadness. My life is not where I need it to be yet but I know it will be in time. Life is beautiful and I'm thankful for the opportunity to experience it.

I've been involved with more than school. My focus is way beyond school now; I'm also trying to build my career. I guess I have reasons to smile about that too. Hopefully I have good news to share about my career life soon.

I'm making changes to my life, taking more responsibility for myself, paying attention to myself and taking steps to correcting things I don't want. More details about that later. It's not easy, but it'll be worth it. I know I  have to work for these changes and I'll be persistent. I'm happy about all of these because I can just see myself how and where I want to be already.

I've moved beyond where I was before and though I still have a long way to go, I'm happy. I'm getting better and better each day.

P.S: I was selected for Alternative Spring Break 2011 in Detroit, Michigan. I'm so excited!!

In Love

I was listening to Celine Dion's "If Walls Could Talk" above & I was touched and all mushy w/e. It just got me thinking. I hear about love all the time, listen to songs about it & the songs really get to me. I really can't wait to be actually be in love, experience that amazing feeling, listen to my favourite love songs with more meaning and depth because I can actually feel it. Sometimes I wish it'd hurry up and happen already but from all I've heard, waiting for it is so worth it.

Wandering Mind

I'm just sitting on this bus and my mind is drifting in so many different directions.
Remembering all those social nights we used to have. Then all other classes except SS 3 had like 2 minutes for "dance, dance, dance." It was almost a crime sef for juniors to dance on the stage. But "SS 3 Dance! Dance!! Dance!!!" the girls would flock to the stage and those boys would be coming on like it's their father's house.

How about "SS 3, go fishing?" It was almost a sin for girls to "fish" but those boys would come, feeling like they were all that, and start acting like they were on their fathers' farms.

Anyway, those were the days. I've come a long way from then but sometimes I wish I could go back, you know?

Life was so simple then. We had a lot of drama, so much went down and it seemed like we had the worst problems and issues. I've grown since then, as I suppose most of us have, and in retrospect, most of those problems seem trivial; some of them even stupid. It didn't appear so at the time, but now I think life was what I wanted it to be, what I wish it is now - simple, carefree, exciting, awesome friends with whom to share the great experiences. There were a couple of growing pains, but that's all part of the experience, isn't it?

Those were really the days and I miss so much about them. It saddens me a little that memories are all that are left. I know someday in the future, I'll be saying similar things about these days.

7 Things I Want to Do in "le Futur Proche" (the Near Future)

* Spend a semester studying abroad (very likely France)
* Take Taekwondo seriously and seek advancement in it
* Learn to play the guitar and, maybe, the piano too
* Learn to speak Hindi
* Go skydiving
*Get voice training
* Travel to so many places and live for a while in places like India and England

Closing Statement

I kept telling myself I'd blog before 2010 was over but I didn't get to it. Anyway it's not too late to post my closing statement on 2010.

2010 was not the best of years for me, but thankfully it wasn't the worst too; at least it was better than 2009 in so many ways. I ended my first semester at Howard well and I'm happy for that. My experience was not all it could have been but I'm quite content with what I made of it except for maybe one part. I'm quite disappointed with myself about some things but I'm going to work super hard to change that this year.

I've been a bit preoccupied these days. My head has been in the clouds a bit too but a girl can dream, can't she?

This year, I have so many things to look forward to and so many things to do. I feel like I'll be making major contributions to my future this year. I just pray all these things work out for me. I have a couple of "resolutions" (I  won't call them that really) I guess, but I don't want to jinx them. Lemme just say I'd be taking more control of my life.

It's 11:24 p.m but it's still January 1st so I guess Happy New Year is still in order.