So I'm 20 years old!! I've officially been alive for 2 decades. It's surreal, really, because when I think about the many things that I've seen, the places I've been, the people I've met, the people I've lost, and the memories I've made, it feels like I have been on Planet Earth longer than 20 years.
More than anything, I am grateful to God for keeping me alive to see today. I wouldn't be here otherwise. He has been my rock, my strength, my everything. When I hear about the deaths of people who are my age or even younger than I am, I just thank Him even more. I am thankful for the life, with which He has blessed me, the wonderful people He has placed in my life, the incredible joy I've known, the pain and sadness that have made me stronger, and the experiences that I've made me who I am. I realize that I am not lucky; I am blessed.
Now I am in that place where I am thinking about my life - what I've had so far, what I wish I did, what I never got the chance to have, and the phases of my life that has helped to mold me into who I am. More importantly, I am thinking about the future - where I want my life to be and the woman I hope to become.
The most important subject is my relationship with God. In the minutes leading up to 12:00 a.m., I found myself thinking about what being a Christian really means to me. With astonishing clarity, I could see the many ways that I was compromising my convictions and position as a child of God. It became clear to me that being a Christian is not just about what I do - it's also about what happens around me and the situations in which I put myself. I am at the juncture where I am reassessing myself as a Christian and trying to work at establishing a genuine and true relationship with my Father. "Ready or Not" by Britt Nicole ft. Lecrae is the one song that totally explains what I feel (Listen to it here).
Now that I am no longer a teenager, I have to be even more responsible and focused because the whole "it's a (teenage) phase" excuse is obviously obsolete now. I am thinking seriously about what I want to do after I graduate from Howard University next year by God's grace. I'm looking at graduate schools and programs, and about the certification exams that I want to take. In addition to thinking about my academic and professional future, I am also thinking about my growth as a person. I am reassessing the girl that I have always been and thinking about the woman I want to be. I have this picture of that woman and I believe that with God, I can become that woman - a woman of God's own creation.
I'm grateful for all my formative years, the 6 years that I was at Mayflower School that had a huge role in molding who I am today, the 3 months that I was at Ajayi Crowther University in Oyo State that helped me become more confident because I was surrounded by so much love and affection, the 1+ year that I was at Randallstown High School that helped me become more patient though I was upset for a while about the fact that I had to go back to high school after attending university (now I am actually thankful for it), and the past few years at Howard University that made me truly question myself until I figured out who I am supposed to be and finally found my own little place in an environment where I felt like a fish out of water. I am so very grateful for the people I met at every point. Thanks to the people who where in my life for a while for the gifts they gave me and the lessons they taught me, thanks to the people who came and never left - I truly love them for that, and thanks to the people who have always been there - I'm incredibly blessed to have people like that.
My life is by no means completely figured out. I have so many fears and insecurities. There is so much I wish I had now. But in spite of all these, I'm happy. I know that God makes everything perfect in His time and He'll grant me the desires of my heart according to His will. I am working on those fears and insecurities. And that's okay because I am a work in progress. But looking back now, I can say that my childhood self would be proud of the person I am today.
Happy 20th birthday to me!! I smile in anticipation of the wonderful things I believe the future will bring =)
More than anything, I am grateful to God for keeping me alive to see today. I wouldn't be here otherwise. He has been my rock, my strength, my everything. When I hear about the deaths of people who are my age or even younger than I am, I just thank Him even more. I am thankful for the life, with which He has blessed me, the wonderful people He has placed in my life, the incredible joy I've known, the pain and sadness that have made me stronger, and the experiences that I've made me who I am. I realize that I am not lucky; I am blessed.
Now I am in that place where I am thinking about my life - what I've had so far, what I wish I did, what I never got the chance to have, and the phases of my life that has helped to mold me into who I am. More importantly, I am thinking about the future - where I want my life to be and the woman I hope to become.
The most important subject is my relationship with God. In the minutes leading up to 12:00 a.m., I found myself thinking about what being a Christian really means to me. With astonishing clarity, I could see the many ways that I was compromising my convictions and position as a child of God. It became clear to me that being a Christian is not just about what I do - it's also about what happens around me and the situations in which I put myself. I am at the juncture where I am reassessing myself as a Christian and trying to work at establishing a genuine and true relationship with my Father. "Ready or Not" by Britt Nicole ft. Lecrae is the one song that totally explains what I feel (Listen to it here).
Now that I am no longer a teenager, I have to be even more responsible and focused because the whole "it's a (teenage) phase" excuse is obviously obsolete now. I am thinking seriously about what I want to do after I graduate from Howard University next year by God's grace. I'm looking at graduate schools and programs, and about the certification exams that I want to take. In addition to thinking about my academic and professional future, I am also thinking about my growth as a person. I am reassessing the girl that I have always been and thinking about the woman I want to be. I have this picture of that woman and I believe that with God, I can become that woman - a woman of God's own creation.
I'm grateful for all my formative years, the 6 years that I was at Mayflower School that had a huge role in molding who I am today, the 3 months that I was at Ajayi Crowther University in Oyo State that helped me become more confident because I was surrounded by so much love and affection, the 1+ year that I was at Randallstown High School that helped me become more patient though I was upset for a while about the fact that I had to go back to high school after attending university (now I am actually thankful for it), and the past few years at Howard University that made me truly question myself until I figured out who I am supposed to be and finally found my own little place in an environment where I felt like a fish out of water. I am so very grateful for the people I met at every point. Thanks to the people who where in my life for a while for the gifts they gave me and the lessons they taught me, thanks to the people who came and never left - I truly love them for that, and thanks to the people who have always been there - I'm incredibly blessed to have people like that.
My life is by no means completely figured out. I have so many fears and insecurities. There is so much I wish I had now. But in spite of all these, I'm happy. I know that God makes everything perfect in His time and He'll grant me the desires of my heart according to His will. I am working on those fears and insecurities. And that's okay because I am a work in progress. But looking back now, I can say that my childhood self would be proud of the person I am today.
Happy 20th birthday to me!! I smile in anticipation of the wonderful things I believe the future will bring =)
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